Role Models?

     Let me preface this post by saying that I have absolutely NOTHING against heavy people. I understand that the media has a fascination with waif-like women. I also understand that many of the beauty ideals that we are bombarded with daily are unattainable for the average woman. I understand and respect that most of us will never be a size two. I see nothing wrong with that, but the celebration of Gabby Sibide has me a little confused. Why is she celebrated for having a "real" body? Her body is UNHEALTHY. I'm not a dietitian, but she looks to be about 150 pounds overweight. The media tells us that most Americans look like Ms. Sibide. They also praise her for being comfortable in her own skin. I applaud her body confidence. I'm a size two and I have trouble mustering up confidence quite often. Her confidence is all I will applaud. I would not want my daughter to aspire to be her weight and to be fair, I don't want her to look like Kate Moss either. There has to be a balance and it seems that Americans don't know where that happy median is. I'm sorry, but I could not continue to sit back and ignore it any longer... I'm just sayin...

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Recently I went to Wet Willies to get uber-wasted with friends. This led to a very interesting conversation about the classification of D!CK. (Don't judge us lol) So I figured I would inform the masses of our synopsis... The GOOD, The BAD, The UGLY:

The BAD:

How To Identify It:  Generally the owner of the BAD D!ICK brags incessantly about how spectacular he is, don't be fooled. He sux!! He lacks rhythm, technique, form, and pacing skills. Sometimes he climaxes entirely too early. Other times he lasts for hours, hours, and hours much to your chagrin. Post-Coitus he will feel triumphant and boastful. DO NOT FEED HIS EGO UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! He needs to know how bad it is. Shortly after your encounter with Mr. BAD, you will feel anger, sorrow, hopelessness, and time wastefulness.

The GOOD:

How To Identify It: Good sex is just good sex. The owner of a pretty GOOD D!CK can be tricky. He probably fluctuates between Good, Bad, and Ugly D!ICK. Don't be alarmed. He can be taught. After Good D!ICK you will feel refreshed, happy, appreciative, relaxed, and lucky.

The UGLY:

How To Identify It: The name "THE UGLY" sounds horrible and scary and it very well can be if you are not strong enough to resist the inevitable addiction to it. UGLY D!CK is potent and can literally run you crazy. The owner of the UGLY is cool, VERY COOL. He's unassuming yet confident. After you experience THE UGLY your life will forever be changed. You will feel drowsy, high, disoriented and your clitoris will feel like its eating birthday cake with Jesus. Yes, its THAT serious! I'm warning you! Clear your schedule if you happen to come across THE UGLY and keep those emotions in check.

Get Your Life Here

Does this happen down at your local welfare? Can you give a bitch a two-piece and a biscuit and muster up the strength to vogue and deathdrop directly after? Are he and I related? Yasssssss Hanny!

Things I've Accepted as FACT

Food tastes better when you are drunk. All men cheat. Children are germ receptacles. Most people jump on bandwagons. Sex is best when you actually care about a person. People don't change. Carrie and Mr Big are not real. Women should talk less. Men should listen more. You can never turn your emotions off. Your subconscious is a mufucka. Cash rules everything around me. Smiling is so much easier than pouting. Kevin Hart isn't funny. Capitalism is designed so that most of us are modern day slaves. Twitter is addictive. My nails look better dark. God lives within us. We are all narcissistic. Love always hurts. Good dick will run you crazy. People will think whatever they want and it rarely matters. You can chose your view on life. Happiness is a myth. You're gonna hurt a few people along the way, its inevitable. Anal sex is only for masochists. People ain't bout shit. Most Americans should carry a dictionary (I do). Life owes us nothing. Andre 3000 is the best rapper alive. All attention isn't good. Hennessy ain't so bad. Apartments in nice areas mean nothing unless you own them.Dave Chappelle is the funniest man alive. That is all.  

Just Sayin....

I don't know if anyone else feels this way. I know one perrson does but... here goes nothing....

My friends understand me but they don't GET me. I know this already isn't making sense. I'm slightly addicted to pain. On a sadomasochist level. Before your mind travels to the gutter this particular post is about emotional feelings not sex. I like to live. I like to feel. I'm incredibly sensitive. Every emotion, even the ones that torment me, makes me feel so alive. I love going through the motions. When I'm at my happiest I feel alive. When I'm at my lowest I know I am alive even if I don't want to be. Its so important to me to be able to feel... thats why I constantly go into situations that I know will be hurtful. I know it'll hurt tomorrow but tonight... tonight will be amazing! Tonight all my dreams will come true. Tomorrow I'll be living in hell... And it was all worth it... Just saying

Peer Pressure

My upbringing was unorthodox to say the least. My mother is BiPolar and extremely free -spirited. My father is strict, serious, and very old-fashioned. With that combination of parental units it goes without saying that I have an interesting perspective on morality and what is and is NOT couth. When I left my parents' households, I left with a definite view of what was right and wrong. (I.E. if you get pregnant, you get married. NO EXCUSES! and ladies wear dresses in the house of the Lord. You are a direct representation of your family, etc. <--- lessons my daddy taught me) Since leaving the confines of my family and Macon, GA I do things I know my family would disapprove of, but everyone else does it.... I know that the "everyone is doing it" excuse is not only a very weak argument but it is also the oldest teenage comeback ever recorded. It is quickly debunked with a quip from mom, "Well if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do that too?"  But sitting here at 3:14 AM has me revisiting my parents wisdom. Why am I participating in things I know are NOT right just because the masses are doing it? I know I'm not the only person  guilty of this offense. Its just so hard to say no sometimes. Am I still a victim of peer pressure or am I just doing what I've always wanted to do?

Gold Wrappers Please!!

A friend of mine brought up an interesting theory recently, she said, "A woman that carries condoms is loose. She's too prepared. Let the man be responsible for something." That statement had me scratching my head. I am proud to say there is a 12 pack of beautifully gold wrapped treasures laying somewhere around my house. I can't say where they are exactly because I'm celibate and rather messy but they are here just in case temptation takes over. I personally feel like a woman... no, A PERSON, can never be too prepared. Hell I was always taught plans and preparation are the keys to success. I'm not too comfortable putting my health in anyone else's hands. I am happy with my negative STD scan. We live in a society where casual sex is not only tolerated but it is the norm. None of these women carry condoms? Am I the exception? Is it acceptable for the modern day woman to carry condoms in her purse yet? It is 2010! (happy belated new year lol) and I still hear women call other women whores for carrying condoms! I don't understand that logic. What do you think?

PS... Don't come in my room if you can't fit a Trojan Magnum XL. I'M spoiled ;)