Chicken or Fish: A Quick Overview of Infidelity

  
Earlier @IshmealAlmighty and I were talking about cheating. I came with a simple theory to explain why we cheat: If I told you one day when you were approximately 27 or 28 years old that I wanted you to eat chicken everyday, what would you think? You would look at me as if I was crazy right. Why would you eat chicken every single day for the rest of your life when there are so many other delicious foods to enjoy? Even if Chicken is your favorite food, you don't want to eat it everyday! That's how I feel about relationships and marriage... why would I want to eat chicken everyday when there is sausage, fish, shrimp, porkchops, and steak! Why on earth would I torture myself that way? I don't love chicken any less than... lets say, FISH, but chicken will never taste like fish. I can cook chicken a thousand different ways and eats for a thousand days but then after that... it still won't taste like fish. It is also HIGHLY likely that I will be sick and tired of chicken after a thousand meals. I want fish now! I want something that is NOT chicken. I still look the favor, texture, and versatility of chicken but I need a change. So I cheat on chicken. I order the fish plate instead. Chicken cries and wants a divorce. Chicken doesn't understand why I no longer love it. But I do still LOVE chicken. I just had a craving for fish... Just sayin...

Men and Cheating

  
      Sorry guys I haven't had anything to say lately however, in light of the recent "Tiger-Gate" I was inspired to talk shit.... Now I was not surprised at Tiger's antics. He is a MAN, not only is he a man he is a VERY rich man. I don't really expect him to be faithful to anyone. But fuck Tiger... I don't know anyone with a Tiger Woods bank account so we'll just talk about men and cheating....
     I believe that all men cheat. No exceptions! Rich, poor, black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Atheist etc. I'm not a pessimist, I'm just a realist. People, not just men, are animals and i don't THINK we are supposed to be with one person for an entire lifetime. Not without a few snafus. Women cheat too but we're better at it (winks).
Are men expected to cheat? Is it something that largely ignored because "boys will be boys"? Would you chase your cheating spouse with a baseball bat (or any cylindrical, heavy object) if you found out they were cheating? Would you even want to know about their scandalous ways? What constitutes cheating? Do you cheat? Just Wondering....

Tools and Tips: Jumpoffs

Dear Jumpoff,

     I know that your place in society is overlooked and misunderstood. You work hard dammit! You work hard at keeping your pseudo man happy and I don't know about society at large but I appreciate your role. I just wanna help so below I have some tools and tips for you to be successful at your job. No need to thank me. I do this for you!

Luh,

Hope

Tools & Tips

1. He is NOT your man: Sorry but he isn't. He's Monica's man. You're just the jumpoff.

2. Play your role: Again, he is Brittany's man so that means you can't drop by his house unannounced, call him at crazy hours, call Tiara's job or anything CRAZY! You are the jumpoff... the jumpoff is for sex only. PLAY THAT ROLE!

3. Use a condom: This is self explanatory but just in case it isn't... If you get pregnant Tanya is not gonna allow him to take care of that baby. Sad but true. And of course you don't want any nasty, incurable STDs/STIs. Not cute!

4.  Do NOT try to fight his girl: Sorry but thats HER man not yours (referring back to T&T #1). Do not go up to her place of work or humble abode trying to start some mess. You will look silly!

5. Do Not go around bragging about being the jumpoff: In situations as sensitive as these discretion is mandatory. That means don't go bragging at the club, at work, on social networking sites, or Random House. You are a HOE! People will not sympathize with you nor will they think you have something special.

just sayin....

Love, Actually

Guy: how many times have you been in love? 
Me: umm 3 times if you count yourself lol 
Guy: no no. Don't count me. We weren't in love. 
Me: umm well I'm pretty sure I was in love with you. 
Guy: that was just you... 
First of all this guy is a douchebag. Secondly, what is "love" really? Does it have to be mutual to exist? Can you be in love all alone? If you are in love all alone does it even count as a notch on your belt? What you saw above is a real conversation between myself and someone I was "involved" with but not dating so it hurt to hear that... So do you guys know, what is love actually?