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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Worst Sex Ever!!!!



Unfortunately I have had quite a few bad experiences in the bedroom. Here are 3 of the worst!!

Part I -- I watched him shimmy for 20 minutes... He moved better than I'd thought. He grabbed my hand startling from my thoughts and led me out of the party to his car. It seemed we both had the same idea. On the way back to his place he bragged about how mean his stroke is and how big he was... I half listened to him. It didn't take us long to get to his condo that he loved to brag about. And he didn't waste any time getting to what he wanted... He threw me onto his bed and ripped my pants off. He licked me... One long lick, his tongue was cold and prickly. I cringed. He got up smiling holding a magnum wrapper. My mind started spinning, this was already bad and I needed an excuse quickly. I looked up and he was rolling the condom down his dick. Baggy! (Baggy magnums are the worst.) before I knew it he was inside me... At least I think he was... I couldn't feel shit. I laid back and stared at the ceiling. I can't believe this shit! I started thinking about all the other places I could be. School, home, hell etc. What a waste, my fingers are bigger... While he was driving me home he warned me not to tell my friends how good he was in bed. They would try to steal him away from me.... Really nigga? I added him to my 'Do Not Answer" file.

Part II-- I was so nervous. This was gonna be my first time with a woman... She assured me I'd be fine. She guided me down here body gently then violently pushed my head into her pussy. (I had braces at the time... Just FYI). I was thrown off but I caught on rather quickly... Lick here, kiss there, suck, nibble etc. I got into the groove of tasting her so I switched positions so we could both get into each other... She started eating me out. It felt kinda awkward. She didn't really have a rhythm going. Just licking me indiscriminately. I decided to give her a little encouragement, "suck me, don't be scared" I whispered in my sexiest bedroom voice. For reason she thought sucking involved teeth... She BIT the shit out of me... I jumped back across the bed and screamed. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." she lamented, "I can do better I promise". I shook my head no and hurriedly got my clothes back on. I left her standing there naked.... I still avoid her phone calls

Part III--- I thought I could have fallen in love with him, all bullshit aside. We clicked on every level. One night after plenty of drinking and flirting his head fell in between my legs. Oops! I decided to let it happen... It didn't hurt that he was doing a superb job. After about 10 minutes of kissing and touching I reached down to show him some attention. I slid my hand into his boxers. He jumped back... Interesting. I reached again. All I felt was a thick bush. Umm shave much? But anyway I kept reaching, I was straining at this point. Nothing. He finally stood up, I didn't see any signs of a penis. He? looked ashamed. "I'm just a little nervous, I'm not hard yet" he admitted. I reached again. This time I felt the smallest penis I've ever felt. 2 inches maximum. I muttered a lame ass excuse about having church early in the morning. His number was promptly added to the "Do Not Answer" section. Its so sad, we would have been so good together too.

3 comments:

Calvin said...

Braggers always suck...especially if you brag right before sex you are raising an expectation that you are not going to meet and that's so disappointing.
Shouldn't women be better at going down on women than guys...there is a saying that guys give better head than girls b/c they know what guys like.
Did that guy every get hard...some guys are growers, not showers lol.

Calvin said...

show-ers*

Hope said...

Yeah one would think she would be great at it but alas... LOL. And I'm not sure about guy 3... I never gave him another chance lol