The Illustrious Date

"Courting" is dead. Nowadays when a guy meets a girl he asks can they "chill" at either her place or his. Chill, kick it, shoot the breeze, et cetera all mean the same thing... 'Shawty I wanna F@#$!"........
Ummm I don't know about ya'll but I have a philosophy: I don't sell my body but I damn sure don't give it away. So that mean we can't chill shawty. You need to take me out and show me you know how to treat a lady. And trust, despite my language at times, I am nothing less than a prim and proper lady. So what happened to the date? When is the last time you've been on a real date? Are relationships over? Is it all about casual sex now? Can you feed me DAMMIT?! just sayin.....

Tools and Tips: Jumpoffs

Dear Jumpoff,

     I know that your place in society is overlooked and misunderstood. You work hard dammit! You work hard at keeping your pseudo man happy and I don't know about society at large but I appreciate your role. I just wanna help so below I have some tools and tips for you to be successful at your job. No need to thank me. I do this for you!

Luh,

Hope

Tools & Tips

1. He is NOT your man: Sorry but he isn't. He's Monica's man. You're just the jumpoff.

2. Play your role: Again, he is Brittany's man so that means you can't drop by his house unannounced, call him at crazy hours, call Tiara's job or anything CRAZY! You are the jumpoff... the jumpoff is for sex only. PLAY THAT ROLE!

3. Use a condom: This is self explanatory but just in case it isn't... If you get pregnant Tanya is not gonna allow him to take care of that baby. Sad but true. And of course you don't want any nasty, incurable STDs/STIs. Not cute!

4.  Do NOT try to fight his girl: Sorry but thats HER man not yours (referring back to T&T #1). Do not go up to her place of work or humble abode trying to start some mess. You will look silly!

5. Do Not go around bragging about being the jumpoff: In situations as sensitive as these discretion is mandatory. That means don't go bragging at the club, at work, on social networking sites, or Random House. You are a HOE! People will not sympathize with you nor will they think you have something special.

just sayin....

This Has Nothin to do with Nothin

I will become this man"s wife tonight if he asks... Just sayin....

Makes My Teeth White...

Nigger, nigga, ni66a. nucca, my nig.... If you say any variation of this word in the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time you will be in for the beating of a lifetime. The N word is easily the most deplorable racial epitaph in the English language yet WE (I'm referring to black people) constantly use it in popular culture and everyday life. The common defense of the word is that black people have stripped the word of its negativity. The word is now an empowering term of endearment.... but if your skin is the wrong color you will still catch the beating of a lifetime. So, that means it DOES still have power as a racial slur. It ISN'T so endearing. Just sayin...

Love, Actually

Guy: how many times have you been in love? 
Me: umm 3 times if you count yourself lol 
Guy: no no. Don't count me. We weren't in love. 
Me: umm well I'm pretty sure I was in love with you. 
Guy: that was just you... 
First of all this guy is a douchebag. Secondly, what is "love" really? Does it have to be mutual to exist? Can you be in love all alone? If you are in love all alone does it even count as a notch on your belt? What you saw above is a real conversation between myself and someone I was "involved" with but not dating so it hurt to hear that... So do you guys know, what is love actually?

3Somes????

Every man I know wants to engage in a 3some... No exceptions! But before I agree to participate I have some pertinent questions: Whose responsibility is it to find the 3rd person? If its 2 boys and 1 girl, is it still a 3some or has it become something else? Where do the hands go? If I lick her does that automatically make me gay? Since she's technically taking my virginity, am I gonna fall in love with her like I fell in love with my first boyfriend? Should I serve refreshments before or after? Is it gonna hurt? Can I sleep with her again after we engage in this 3some? Does this officially make me a hoe? What does a 3some smell like? What type of attire do you wear to the 3some; is it casual? Can I get my official pimp card afterwards (I've always wanted one :))
....just wondering