The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Recently I went to Wet Willies to get uber-wasted with friends. This led to a very interesting conversation about the classification of D!CK. (Don't judge us lol) So I figured I would inform the masses of our synopsis... The GOOD, The BAD, The UGLY:

The BAD:

How To Identify It:  Generally the owner of the BAD D!ICK brags incessantly about how spectacular he is, don't be fooled. He sux!! He lacks rhythm, technique, form, and pacing skills. Sometimes he climaxes entirely too early. Other times he lasts for hours, hours, and hours much to your chagrin. Post-Coitus he will feel triumphant and boastful. DO NOT FEED HIS EGO UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES! He needs to know how bad it is. Shortly after your encounter with Mr. BAD, you will feel anger, sorrow, hopelessness, and time wastefulness.

The GOOD:

How To Identify It: Good sex is just good sex. The owner of a pretty GOOD D!CK can be tricky. He probably fluctuates between Good, Bad, and Ugly D!ICK. Don't be alarmed. He can be taught. After Good D!ICK you will feel refreshed, happy, appreciative, relaxed, and lucky.

The UGLY:

How To Identify It: The name "THE UGLY" sounds horrible and scary and it very well can be if you are not strong enough to resist the inevitable addiction to it. UGLY D!CK is potent and can literally run you crazy. The owner of the UGLY is cool, VERY COOL. He's unassuming yet confident. After you experience THE UGLY your life will forever be changed. You will feel drowsy, high, disoriented and your clitoris will feel like its eating birthday cake with Jesus. Yes, its THAT serious! I'm warning you! Clear your schedule if you happen to come across THE UGLY and keep those emotions in check.